Unrequited Love Syndrome

Dear Treasured Reader:

A few of the many spectacular things about being narcissistic and delusional are (1) the entire world thinks you are remarkable, (2) everyone wants to be your friend, and (3) no one can resist hanging onto your every word.  However, the burden of such notoriety is becoming the object of an onlooker’s overzealous fascination.  I had such a confrontation, many times.

I recall one suitor in particular.  He was a lead customer service supervisor at my local grocery.  He primarily floated in the area of the check-out lines, resolving customer issues and filling in for cashiers during their breaks.

Every time I walked in to do my shopping, there he was, craning his neck to catch a glimpse of me.  I cannot describe how soiled I felt as he continued to leer at me from afar.  I scurried towards the produce department and began my task.  As I passed the frozen foods and oral hygiene aisles I knew an uncomfortable exchange awaited me as I progressed towards the check-out.

Without fail, his check-out line was always the quickest moving.  My first inclination is to select an alternate queue; however, I will not have people staring at me, questioning amongst themselves, why I chose anything other than the shortest line.

Several times he opened an idle checkout line specifically for me.  Not wanting to draw unnecessary attention to myself, I graciously accepted the offer and prepared myself for the mental disrobing I was about to endure.

He assaults me with a barrage of intimate questions like, “how is your day?”, “did you find everything you were looking for?”, and “do you have a customer loyalty card?”  And when I do pass to him my keys to scan my shopper rewards card he always tries to touch my hand.

On one occasion the credit card machine could not read the magnetic strip on my card.  After several failed attempts, he asked to see my card.  He proceeded to key the digits manually.  In retrospect, his actions became very clear; each time had I swiped my card he had coyly pressed the cancel button on his cash register to trigger a card error.  His ploy was for me to surrender my card to him so he could read the cardholder name and use that to his advantage.  I felt so, so violated.

During each subsequent journey to the grocery I listened carefully for him to call me by name.  He never did, because he was aware that would have proven his guilt.

Eventually he was promoted to a store on the opposite end of town.  Undoubtedly, he would contrive a way of being promoted again, returning to my neighborhood store.  Until then, I will be able to shop in peace.

That peace lasted about one year.  He had traversed the ranks of retail and had returned to continue his pursuit.  He is without shame.

My advice to you is to keep close your many admirers; however, keep closer the well-meaning sorts suffering from what I like to call Unrequited Love Syndrome, or ULS.  They are everywhere and they won’t take “no” for an answer.